Thursday, September 26, 2002

Good Lord has this blog become a snoozefest!! Taoism? Christian realism? (Isn't that an oxymoron?) Since when did this become a theological forum? Time for old SPAM to jump out of his can and declare "Fuck that shit...PABST BLUE RIBBON!!" We dont want philosphical debate, we want DIRT! And Uncle Spam can dish it, oh yees. So, without further ado, lets kick start this bitch!
I remember Claudia! And I have a Claudia story! And its good! Would I lie?
It seems that one fine spring afternoon in 19XX, myself and one Christopher (Ugly Ugly) Slaughter were driving around town in search of some new kind of kick, when, through circumstances too involved (not to mention embarrassing) to go into here, I had my right arm ripped open to the bone by a piece of safety glass. Geez, it hurt! (I still have the scar.) So Chris is driving me to the emergency room (kind of him, no?) and I'm holding a towel to my arm, trying in vain (pun only partially intended) to stem the bleeding, and all the while he's yelling at me not to bleed on his car. We stop at a red light (at the train tracks where Tennessee St. meets State of Franklin Rd. if you care) when a car pulls up behind us and a young lady gets out. It's Claudia! Seems her and some of her Milligan cronies were putting on a production of "Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You" and she was portraying the titular role. (Catholic bashing: Always in style...and thats a SHOOT, brutha!) So to make a long story short (who said "Too late?") Claudia does one of those "stop at a red light and run over to your friends car" kind of things to ask us to come to the show. "Well, we kind of had an accident." Chris informed her. "Oh, are you alright?" she asked, obviously concerned with Chris (He's a rock star, y'know) and only marginally aware of my presence. This was about to change. Chris's reply was something like, "Sure, I'm fine. But my friend here got banged up a bit." and with that, I held my arm out the window, sending great splashes of bright red arterial blood flying over Claudias face and body. She made a noise like a deer caught in a hunters trap, and then Chris and I sped away. My last sight of her was standing in the middle of the road covered in my blood, looking for all the world like Sissy Spacek in the prom night scene from "Carrie". Only standing in traffic.
Yep. Good times.

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