Friday, August 01, 2003

RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, Washington, DC, USA


PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for Congress and lost.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team, in a sweetheart deal and built a
stadium using taxpayer money.

With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR
I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made TX
the most polluted state in the US. And replaced Houston over LA as the most
smog-ridden city in America.

Cut taxes and bankrupted TX government to the tune of billions of dollars in
borrowed money.

I set the record for most executions by a Governor in US history.

I became US President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes
with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme
Court.


PRESIDENTIAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS
I attacked and overtook two countries.

I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.

I set an economic record for private bankruptcies in any 12-month period.

I set the all time record for the biggest drop in history of the US stock
market.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

I set the record for most days on vacation in any one year.

After taking the entire month of August off, I presided over the worst
security failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a US president.

I set the records for the least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to
intervene when oil industry corruption was revealed.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans.

I set the all time record for the largest number of people worldwide to
protest my policies in public venues (15 million) shattering the record for
protest against anyone in world history.

I have dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

I have made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US
history.

I am the first president of US to have all 50 states simultaneously go
bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any country in
history.

I am the first president to order a preemptive attack and the military
occupation of a sovereign nation, and did so against the will of the United Nations.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more
than any president in US history.

I am the first president to have the UN remove the US from the Human Rights
Commission.

I withdrew the US from the World Court.

I refused to allow inspectors access to prisoners of war and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the all-time US and world record holder for receiving the largest
corporate campaign donations.

My largest campaign contributor and one of my best friends, Ken Lay, former
CEO of Enron, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US
history.

My political party used the Enron Private jets and their corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the Supreme Court during the 2000 election.

I am the first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

In the past 22 months since the World Trade Center attack, I have
successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in US
history.

In a little over two years, I have created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and have turned
every single economic category downward, all in less than two years.

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