Thursday, April 29, 2004

First black patron views "The Passion of the Christ"

Greenville, SC--Mel Gibson's controversial film about the last hours of Christ's life has aroused both praise and condemnation around the world. According to studio estimates it has earned nearly $300 million in it's first few weeks. But as the christian suburban population has poured into view Gibson's portrayal, the urban demographic has been less moved by the fanfare.

That all change last Wednesday when Jerome "Jay-Jay" Perkins mistakenly stumbled into the middle of the 9:30pm showing of "The Passion" at Cinemark Cinema, becoming the first black patron ever to view the film.

"I was looking at that zombie movie "Dawn of the Deads" when I had to go to the baffroom", relayed a confused Jerome. "I done snuck in a few Old E's and I had to piss like a muthfukka!", said Jerome grabbing his crotch with a mischievous grin. But unfortunately for Jerome and the employees of Cinemark Cinema he did not make it to the restroom, drunkenly relieving himself in a plastic potted plant in the lobby. Miraculously avoiding detection, Jerome stumbled back to the theater area, entering "The Passion of the Christ" by mistake. "I saw this bloody fool up on the screen, looking all fucked up", said Perkins explaining his blunder.

Patrons line up to see
"The Passion", unaware of the crazy black man that will bless their cinematic experience.

But after an hour Mr. Perkins discovered the error of his ways, that he was in the wrong theater, "I says "Where the hell all the other damn zombies at? And why ain't nobody gots kilt yet?!" The inebriated Perkins became belligerent and started shouting obscenities, finally throwing his empty 40oz bottle at the screen. After some commotion he was escorted from the theater by Cinemark staff.

Questioned after the incident about being the first black person in America to view "The Passion of the Christ" Jerome responded, "That was some bullsheeeeit, Jebus got his ass kicked


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