Thursday, February 03, 2005

The Hummer H2 Salute


The H2 is the ultimate poseur vehicle. It has the chassis of a Chevy Tahoe and a body that looks like the original Hummer; i.e. it's a Chevy Tahoe in disguise.

The H2 is a gas guzzler. Because it has a gross vehicle weight rating over 8500 lbs, the US government does not require it to meet federal fuel efficiency regulations. Hummer isn't even required to publish its fuel economy (owners indicate that they get around 10 mpg for normal use). So while our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our "spoils of victory" during each trip to the grocery store.

The H2 is a polluter. Based on G.M.'s optimistic claim that it gets13 mpg, an H2 will produce 3.4 metric tons of carbon emissions in a typical year, nearly double that of G.M.'s Chevrolet Malibu sedan.

The H2 is a death machine. You'd better hope that you don't collide with an H2 in your economy car. You can kiss your ass goodbye thanks to the H2's massive weight and raised bumpers. Too bad you couldn't afford an urban assault vehicle of your own. Or could you...?

The H2 is a tax loophole. Under Bush's new tax plan, business owners can deduct the entire cost of their $55,000 H2. If you are in the highest tax bracket, that's a tax savings of nearly $20,000! The government rewards you more savings for buying an H2 than you'd get for buying an electric car.

Check out the hilarious submissions. These owners have no idea they've purchased a marginally-reliable Chevy Tahoe giddied-up to look like the real deal---an H1 at a starting price of $120K.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

is the world a big kindergarten classroom to you? are we to investigate everything others do, and decide if it meets with our approval or not? your H2 post, and the nauseating economics espoused in it (including the ridiculous implication that driving an H2 wastes "our boys'" lives), expose you and your nanny-state, busybody pals as the real problem.

if you're so concerned about fuel use, why the fixation on the H2? what about school buses driven around empty (or close to it) much of the time? what about jeeps (with MPG almost as bad as the H2)? what about electric cars (the ridiculously hyped -- by morons -- savior of the universe)? what about the hundreds of thousands of US military vehicles around the world that shouldn't be there? what about the crude oil required for just one f-16 flight? what about the inefficiency of beloved "mass transportation" when whole 6-car trains are driven with fewer than 10 people on them, or when a bus drives around most of the night so that it can get 5 people somewhere? what about airplanes?

there's something extremely warped about those who can't let go of the H2. the H2 is a pimple on the ass of much bigger problems. so why does it make people like you feel so good to slag the H2 (or simply quote somebody else's idiocy)? an obvious candidate for consideration is financial jealousy. there's gotta be something at work with these numbskulls that can lead them in their hatred of the H2 to basically condone what has been done in iraq while shifting blame to some guy who decided he'd like to have an H2. what do you care? it's just mind rot, the illogic and stupidity required to ignore any number of bigger fuel wastes to zone in on the H2.

must i get permission for everything i do? i'll tell ya what -- when i'm lined up at the hospital in the winter to drive staff to and fro in my H1 (at my expense), i don't see any of you whiny fools out taking pictures and flipping me off. that's for sure. i don't hear any of my passengers bitching about my MPG when i drop them off, safely, at their homes. i don't hear any of them claiming i must have a small johnson, or that there's something wrong with me for owning extremely capable transportation. and despite my H1 ownership, i probably use less energy for my life than 95% of the H2-hating crowd. is that relevant? damned straight it is. there are many things that cannot be known by simply focusing on one thing a person owns. why cannot i, someone who rode his bicycle to work for years, get on my high horse and bitch at somebody who drives a poorly tuned, smoke belching volvo every day to work, or even any vehicle? where does it end? can i now bitch at homos for engaging in risky behavior that threatens to use more energy and create far more waste (for HIV/AIDS treatment until death) than any H2 owner could ever dream of? that's just one example of where a full economics analysis could go.

underlying all the H2 bitching is an inescapable conclusion: "i am my brother's keeper." here's a motto you might want to look into: MYOB. at least get your economics straight before picking your targets.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005 4:09:00 PM  
Blogger Brook said...

congratulations glock! you reeled in a Hummer-bird!

i didn't write the original post, but i can say from reading both the post and the comment that the only person with anger issues is the commenter.

here's my two cents -- you look stupid driving around in your FAKE Army vehicle. i don't flip you people off or harbor any ill-will to you. i feel sorry for you for having such a flimsy sense of self that the only way you can feel good is to drive a GI JOE Mobile. Why not a Bat Car? or the Mystery Machine?

i know every poster on this forum, and i can tell you NO ONE is jealous of your financial status as manifest in your car. what probably will interest people here isthe subtext of your fevered comment, which is you obviously have a problem with it yourself, or else you wouldn't have bothered mentioning the charitable work you do in your lovely car.

congratulations on your financial security. and thank you so very much for your charity work. may you find peace with your homophobia. we will pray for you.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005 5:16:00 PM  

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