Tuesday, January 18, 2005

How Quickly Life Can Change

Some of you may be aware that quite a few months ago, my loving Husband, who was a strong, decent man, became addicted to crack cocaine. For those not familiar with the nature of this drug, it's destruction starts immediately, and very few are immune to the instant addiction. My Husband went from being an upstanding business owner, wonderful provider (not just for his family, but for many people), and a fantastic loving parent, to almost completely non-functional and weak in a way that almost defies description.
James had emphysema, and was not a well man on his best days, but he had a few good years ahead of him provided he took care of himself and his health. We separated in early October, because his drug use made him unpredictable, and a crack addict/alcoholic has no business around a child. I couldn't handle him, and had to let him move on and embrace the lifestyle that had taken him over. There was nothing I or anyone else could do.
Last night, James passed away in his sleep. His immune system was destroyed by his addictions, and he had pnuemonia on top of his already terribly compromised lungs.
I'm posting this, with several things in mind...first, as a reminder to all to always let your loved ones know that they are loved, because it can be gone in the blink of an eye...second...do all that you can to ensure that no one you love ever touches this drug...and third, to ask that all on this forum will please pray/think good thoughts/send positive energy toward me and my little girl at this time. Also, I want to thank Brook for being supportive when I informed her of what was happening in our lives.
All of us at one time or another take for granted the blessings in our lives. I would give anything for just one hour with the man I married. I never thought I would be a widow at 39.


Blogger bill said...

Your child and you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 6:34:00 AM  
Blogger Brook said...

i am so sorry to hear this. thank you for sharing. please do what you need to take care care of yourself and your little one.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 11:36:00 AM  
Blogger Nicky said...

Thank you for your kindness. This has been one of the most unreal experiences of my life. I watched my Mother go through this...gathering paperwork, dealing with company, making funeral arrangements and making the neverending phonecalls to inform everyone of what has happened. Kenzie (our daughter) is dealing with this better than anyone. I however, am a fucking wreck. I was able to spend my final time with him this afternoon before he is cremated. Everytime I thought I could walk out the door, I would run back to him. It's so surreal...like a 'fog'. We are so grateful for all prayers and good thoughts. Thank you.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005 5:06:00 PM  
Blogger Rick said...

Oh my God Nicky I am so sorry. I cant even immagine your pain. I hope you and that sweet baby of yours find peace soon.

Thursday, January 20, 2005 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger Nicky said...

Oh thank you, Rick. I appreciate you and that means so much coming from you. We're still hangin' in there. I'm trying my best not to feel lost and afraid so I won't transfer that feeling to Kenzie. Counseling of some kind will no doubt be in order for her and I both. She's still doing well, though, and I'm hoping that continues.

Friday, January 21, 2005 1:32:00 AM  

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