Sunday, February 29, 2004

John Cage resuscitating me haiku

I'm 10 and dreaming
I lie on pavement with severe injury,
John Cage gives me mouth-to-mouth.
I slip him tongue. Chicka-boom.
I'm 10.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Brook allowed me back in! I CAN Speak!

Now I can't think of anything to say. Here's an old haiku:

It's Randolph Mantooth
brownhair sideburns uniform
he's on TV now

Thursday, February 26, 2004

even more disturbing

Classic Cow Paranoia

"... I think I'm going Crazy
Cows are everywhere
They're hiding in the basement
And underneath the stair"

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Cow Paranoia Haiku

Cows looking at me
Trying to seem innocent
What are they up to?

I never liked cows.
You see, cows are mocking me.
I just know they are.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Masked and Anonymous

Has anyone seen this movie with Bob Dylan, John Goodman, Jessica Lange, Mickey Rourke---and, oddly, Penelope Cruz and Jeff Bridges? It just came out on DVD and has got to be the worst film I've ever seen, though some of you may disagree. Bob Dylan can't act---but, then, I'd worry if he could---and it was just full of all this trite, philosophical bullshit. It just tried way too hard. John Goodman and Jessica Lange held the damn thing together--and that's not saying much.

Glad to see Brook has returned. I think she's been, and still is, it requires much work---- exercising her political freedom with Martha Stuart pastels--turning dust ruffles into a bug-eyed monster called Dick Cheney's ass--comes with potpourri for the home---Mmmm- Smells like fascism. Trouble rolls in it. we're so happy for you Brook. You get an award.

How can we be sure that is Brook?

Saturday, February 21, 2004

john and drew are downstairs jamming (jammmm-n sounding like, well, like they haven't played in a while) and barbara and i are upstairs drinking cosmopolitans and i see this post about john kerry (A.B.B.) having penned a song called "Cows On Parade" in 1961 and didn't Andy Boy do a song called Cows On Parade (i type as i spill my cosmopolitan into my keyboard) i don't believe it for a moment. blogangrandizment indeed!

barbara says she needs to stop drinking and i agree, but, fuck the world. martha stewart is a bastard. clippy bitch.

do have an excuse for my whereabouts?

no, just that i've been scared to look and have new corporate job and haven't been surfing the blog fantastic b/c once at home i need to read my political shit for the 10 minutes i can stay awake before passing out unexpectedly before the daily show. last i heard both kerry and edwards are polling to beat bush by double digits. all i can say, is that this gives me a reason to live. john and drew are watching high def soft porn on showtime. why is the music so bad?

here we are... with Trouble.

what i'm doing

haiku-y yum yum
going to the liquor store
need more triple sec

I'm baaaaack

Friday, February 20, 2004

Flying Electric Viking Kittens want to take you to the Gay Bar

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Technological Frustration Haiku

There should be a link
But it failed to appear here
Why wont this shit work

Moon Song

Yet another sign of the apocalypse.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Dog/Brook Haiku...indeed the sign of end times...

chomping a deer leg
in dire need of a flea dip
she's humpin' the cat

hippie chick vanished
perhaps ruptured to Jesus
can I have her car?

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Dog/Missing Brook haiku,,, a new art form? Must ask not tony

Shane and Lucky made
neighborhood terror patrol
still no sign of Brook

A Blind Man's Penis

Man, Just stumbled into this website, but I remember Donnie Poole dragging me off to Mike and Lynn's one day and forced me to listen to this song.
"A Blind Man's Penis" aka "Peace & Love".
Just found a swf for it here

Monday, February 16, 2004

Another thought on Brooks abscence Hailku

Brook is still silent
maybe to hide the fact
she campaigns for Bush

Misanthropic Haiku

Some folks say Im mean
I dont know what theyre thinking
What a bunch of dorks

Sunday, February 15, 2004

The Racin' Brook haiku

Perhaps Brook has gone
To Daytona Florida
the birth place of speed

Saturday, February 14, 2004

this day in history...........

The eve of the Roman feast of Lupercalia. Naked youths would run through Rome, anointed with the blood of sacrificed dogs and goats, waving thongs cut from the goats. If a young woman was struck by the thong, fertility was assured. Pope Gelasius I decided this was a bit too much, and co-opted the Roman holiday to be the Feast of St. Valentine in 484 A.D.

Friday, February 13, 2004


Looks like Phils finally gotten in on the joke. Now I'll have to find another pompous windbag to annoy...where did you say Brook has gone again..? (Kidding...kidding...)


Still whining after all these years, eh Phil? Are you by chance suggesting that our presence in your "Listening Room" (Listen to that...its the sound of horseshit hitting the old dusty trail) somehow jeapordized the integrity of, or lowered the value of, your bar? We LOVED your place, Phil. Why do you think we showed up and payed those outrageous covers? And PLEEEASE dont give me any crap about paying your overhead...I DONT CARE...15 dollars to see Webb Wilder is simply TOO FUCKING MUCH TO PAY, regardless of how many loans you had taken...But pay it we did, repeatedly...One part of my story you seemed to have overlooked is the fact that you were tossing ME out of your bar even after I had been beaned with a Molson bottle..and the guy who hit me just sailed merrily didnt even TRY to figure out who did it...and didnt check to see if I was okay...I WAS, but I very well could have been injured...and you gave not a whit, you just wanted us out of your bar before we could anger another of your preferred customers...hmph, should have sued your happy ass...thats what you thought of us and thats why we treated you the way we did, in a nutshell...and you reacted to it so WELL...Honestly, I believe you were much too high strung to be in the business you were in...The Down Home has never been more vibrant and alive as it was in those were on the cutting edge Phil! had to be dragged there kicking and screaming, but for one brief shining moment, there you were. Then it was back to Doc Watson falling off his tractor. Plop! Oh, how endemic of the condition of the noble Appalachian man! Wait, he's getting up again...PLOP!...Oh, brilliant! Bravo I say...BRAVO!!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Another Brilliantly Artistic Post

Well gosh I thought I felt my ears burning.
Phil youve got nothing to apologize for. In case you havent caught on yet, we ENJOYED pulling your chain. Defying the "evil vice-principal" was part of the fun, and you were just so S-E-R-I-O-U-S all the time it was really hard to resist. ("Listening Room" my ass) James wants to make this into some kind of tragedy..."We knew you...we TRUSTED you..." sob sniff pass the hanky Jethro...but the simple fact is...well...we were just fuckin with ya, man! On the night in question...I had downed some sort of mystery nerve pills and yamo and I were sharing a bottle of really cheap tequila...I remember Webb Wilder was playing, but my memory gets kind of fuzzy after that...I remember seeing double...the band played a song I liked...ironically, I wasnt trying to mosh ("slam dance" ...havent heard that in a while...) I was just too wasted to stand and I jostled some rednecks table, spilling his beer...he promptly responded by breaking the empty bottle over my head...I remember hitting the floor, and then at least three Phils looking down at me sternly, and shouting...something..."You guys need to relax..." I may have thought or said or mumbled...Phil helped me up and began hustling me towards the door and there suddenly was James in between us, and Phil was shouting something about getting along fine without us and gosh wasnt James a good friend for valiantly defending me from...something...and there was a lot of chest-bumping and attitude slinging and it amounted to nothing more. The next thing I really remember was sitting on the curb outside the club combing glass from my hair and asking people what the hell just happened.
As for your comments about Final Curtain in...what was it...the Incest County Monthly Gazette? were asked to state YOUR could have said "Final Curtain covers themselves with warm steamy caribou droppings. Thrice daily. In water."... and that would have been a-1 charlie roger hokay with me there, me when I say that nobody remembers that little article, and even at the time nobody much gave half a whistling fuck what any of us thought about anything.
And as for your assesment of me..."brilliant?" "artist?" about..."Nerdy-guy-who-wasnt-talented-enough-to-get-a-decent-band-together-but-wanted-to-suck-up-to-that-crowd-anyhow-because-thats-where-all-the-choice-PUSSY-was-to-be-found". Yep, that about sums it up.
And for the record, I was permanently banned from the Down Home no less than three times.

Where is Brook Haiku

Brook has gone and left
No one runs this site it seems
puked in her shoes?

Brook's whereabouts

Well, I'm wondering where all the blog women have gone, especially since there aren't many of us to begin with. I think I'll write a song, but not now.

To those of you who know guitars, I interviewed the owner of Andrew Instruments today. He makes guitars, mandolins, dulcimers and dobros in Elizabethton and has for the last 10 years. Just this past year, Ghrun (sp?) guitars in Nashville started selling his stuff. Didn't know if anyone on the blog had heard of him. His name is Dewey Cornett. Told me he's giving a dobro to Jerry Douglas when he comes to the Down Home.

Below are a couple of haikus (well, not really) concerning Brook's whereabouts:

She’s sipping from a cup of subversion
and spitting supernovas
through her two front teeth.

She's humming and handing out
flourescent, self-thumping Bibles
to state lawmakers

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

anudder haiku

I puked on Brooke's shoes
cheap liquor was in me no doubt
Phil's still a pussy fuck


Opps, it appears I was wrong yesterday. Actually the released record shows that Bush served 14 days from 5/72 thru 4/73, with a span of 5 months in which he did not report for service. Also, he was to serve 15 days plus one weekend per month, not 37 days. My bad, sorry George. But I am still confused as to how 14 = 39. Is that some of that no child left behind fuzzy math I keep hearing about??

Also, Josh, a Newfoundland took best of show at the Westmeinster. Presumably, Rush Limbaugh will be releasing a statement this afternoon that Josh won as the liberal media needed a black dog to succeed.....

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Bush has now released his service record that shows he drilled with the National Guard a total of 9 days from 5/72 thru 5/73. He owed 37 days for this time period apparently. This was released to prove that he was not awol. I'm confused.

Friday, February 06, 2004


Perhaps Brook has become a long haul trucker like Jeff Campbell????

Thursday, February 05, 2004

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he
reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just
stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was
looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them
flat and said "Well, we're not gonna have any of that shit in our garden."

An observation

Ya know, back when Clinton was President, you never heard of entertainers exposing themselves during the Super Bowl Half-time show..... is this the a sign of the moral decay and degeneracy we are experiencing from Bush??? (and don't try to blame Clinton, he was not even in office when the Half-time show started!)

Nope have not heard from Brook.... perhaps she will read these posts and contact one of us.

Three Texas Surgeons

Here's one I heard recently. By the way, has anyone seen or heard from Brook?

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's rear end and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States."

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

New (and true) Dog Haiku...

Got a new pit bull.
She's white and lovely. So sweet.
Her farts are deadly.


Heard any good jokes late? Dog haiku?? Anything???