Thursday, December 05, 2002

Okey dokey - Flankie (as Frau Spangler called him) and I used to hang together back in the day at Poor Dicks, Italian Village, QB,s and all the places that allowed Folks Like Us to go hang. We developed a nasty habit of seeking out women who might be so inclined as to look at life differently for a few hours and fuck both Flankie and myself - amazing how many cooperative souls who sought out strange, new adventures we encountered. So one night we meet this nice young lady - a nursing student from New Jersey ( oh yeah! what exit?) who had already ingested 2 -3 pitchers of beer. Being the callow youths we were, persuaded her to join us on a new adventure and thus, we took her back to Bills House O' Thrills. Against my council, Flankie thought a little more beer would be good for the situation and gave her massive amounts. She flipped a coin to see who would be with her first, and I won, but Flankie insisted on another flip as she was rather a toothsome young thing. But the gods of fate and kinky sex punished Flankie because he REALLY wanted to go with her first and kept flipping coin until he won. Flankie led the young lady back to the bedroom while I waited for a good time to join (NO, not a gay thing - not that there's anything WRONG with that). A few minutes go by and suddenly there was this awful crashing and thrashing sound around from the bedroom ( I'm thinking he's killed her!) and a door get's torn from it's hinges as Flankie screams his way across the hall to the bathroom. "This is not a good thing" I'm thinking. Finally Flankie comes out with a large towel around his waist, and he is DRENCHED in schmuzt from chin to toe! Clive Barker could not have written a more terrifying scene. It seems that our man Flankie was in the middle of getting head from this poor wretched girl when ALLLLLLL that beer began to work. She began the enthusiastic part of her performance and UP came the massive amounts of beer! She covered poor Flankie, the bed, the floor, and the walls! It was like an esophogial Jackson Pollack in there! Nothing was spared! Oh the humanity! The humanity! He just stood there, horrified as I, dripping in warm recycled beer and god only knows what else, zombified, while trying to wrap his mind around what has happened and what to do about it. A good laugh was finally had by me and no one else - the girl was struggling with reality and poor Flankie was just trying to get clean - OUT, OUT damned spot! And that is the long buried "Gag me with a Spangler" Story.
Next time boys and girls - The Adventures of Roland the Hun.

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