I Want Candy...

Happy Halloween everybody!

what i want for xmas

another flare, ten times stronger than the last

yes, mr. president i have experience fighting kaos

Good Kitty!

a bloody rat? that's nothing- look what Phoebe brought in! She assured me - it was a very slow death!

Veggies in November

I'd like to find out how many Floridians- being kept alive artificailly- have voted in recent elections.

Samhain in Wisconsin

While authorities in South America and Mexico struggle to cope with attacks by the goat-killing demon, El Chupacabra, in Wisconsin a bizarre new menace has struck fear into the hearts of civilians and the military alike.

It is the monster now known as -- "El Cowpacabra."

Part demon, part purebred Guernsey, El Cowpacabra has appeared in areas where there has been a high incidence of recent UFO sightings. El Cowpacabra has been blamed for the destruction of thousands of mechanical milking machines across the state.

In these regions, a number of poodles have also been reported dead or missing.

And now comes word of even worse terror, reports that witnesses have seen the Cowpacabra force-feeding artificial growth hormones to dairy corporation officials until they blow up like balloons and explode.

Said one trembling veterinarian: "I've heard of 'mad cows.' But I've never seen one this p.o.'d."

Other experts interviewed said they feared Cowpacabra depredations would have an impact on margarine supplies throughout the state.

Eyewitness descriptions of the Cowpacabra vary. One Cudahy Dairy Queen employee who came upon the beast rampaging though a storeroom filled with canisters of Tastee Freez, said: "I've never seen anything like it. It was like 7 feet tall and weighed 300 pounds. It had fangs like a rattler, wings like a bat, the head of a polled heifer and a beer belly. And it had a horrible smell. Like, like," -- here she broke down -- "like Bradford Beach in August."

A cranberry bog worker, who observed "The Bovine Beast" stalking deer hunters near East Krock, claimed it also had a milk mustache.

Other Cowpacabra sightings have been linked to the discovery across the state of mysterious "crop circles," or, as paranormal experts have come to call them in this case: "crop pies."

Regional folklore holds that Cowpacabra leavings are particularly acidic, and some road repaving companies are blaming the number of highway potholes not on their use of cheap asphalt, but on the demon's cud-spitting habits.

And reports that Cowpacabra methane-like "emissions" have a chemical makeup akin to that of Easy Off Oven Cleaner have caused dozens of worried Illinois tourists to cancel vacation plans at destinations north of Nutterville.

No authenticated photo of the "Devil Cow" exists. However, a Beaver Dam resident videoing his grandson's sack race at Beaver Fest '96 allegedly caught the Cowpacabra on tape, and a photo from that tape has been distributed on the World Wide Web.

Government officials were quick to deny there was any truth to the reports, chalking them up to "mass hysteria." One Air Force colonel identified the photo as that of a "weather balloon," but could not explain what such a balloon was doing hovering at the same level as the fest's bratwurst stand.

And so-called "cow-spiracy theorists" charged that the Air Force actually had a carcass of the beast in cold storage at a secret military installation near Rib Lake known only as "Rest Area 51."

Speculation on the possible origins of El Cowpacabra has grown. "Everyone knows it's a mutant caused by the Navy's Extremely Low Frequency radio transmitter," said Cowpacabra expert Chris Carter. Others blame runoffs from mining operations or the Deep Tunnel Project.

Some believers have claimed supernatural powers for the creature. Indeed, one hidden witness observed members of the dairy supremacist cult "Cowpacabra Nation" on a hilltop attempting to summon the beast with a mantra that he said "sounded like 'ooom, only backward."

With so little actually known about the exact nature of El Cowpacabra, local police have despaired of capturing it.

along that river fer a thousand miles the tattooed cannibals danced in files

Thanks for the text preference advice, Brook; it did the trick!
Isn't it odd how every time somebody from Tex-ass gets into the White House, the first thing that they do is pick a fight?
And isn't it strange that those same he-boys manage to enhance their own less than heroic service records, or just dodge the draft entirely?
Every time I think of that Ann Coulter nut-case referring to Duh-Bya as a "Warrior King" I just chuckle.
All that being said, can we try mostly stick to Johnson City Stories on this thing?
I'd much rather tell about James Arwood waking up nekkid on the Youngquist's porch than to get bent outta shape about politics.
Incidently, (in reply to a prior query) for the record, both Kurt Hagardorn and Martin Patrick have a non-standard number of toes.

Rick, is that one of Laura and Peee-terrrr's kids?

x-class solar flare

cool...

natural born killers

Dissent in OZ

Top o the news yesterday was that Bush was heckled and protested in Australia -- as if the Aussies have a special distaste for Bush not shared by the rest of the world.

Three words --

FREE SPEECH ZONES

You heard of these? They are special cordoned-off areas usually miles away from a "presidential" (sic) event. Apparently, Bush doesn't have the strength of character needed to face his detractors in his own country. Like some spoiled oil prince he has ordered the dissenters to be removed. Any fourth-grader can tell you that on the face of it -- this is UNamerican. We have a right to free assembly and free speech. People who are willing to go out and make statements like that are like white blood cells in a sick country. We need them. And we need to SEE and HEAR the dissent taking place on our soil.

BUT, you won't ever see any of that FREE SPEECH here in the US (unless we are willing to get arrested). You have to go to the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET to get that. To me, that is as fucked up as water running counter-clockwise down the drain.

on the subject of rodents

my dogs are sooooooo thoughtful! look what they brought me!

Oolong can see just Fine!

WHAT THE HELL'S WITH THIS 4 POINT FONT? I CAN'T READ A GODDAMNED THING ON HERE WITHOUT SQUINTING!!!

Actually I am for assisted suicide, just not starvation. Bust a cap in her ass, give her the blue juice, behead her or whatnot. Just dont let her starve.

oops, lost links

as part of my housecleaning, i updated our template and lost our links. i'll try to get them back asap.

Probably not the best case to discuss dignity and dying, it just does not fit too neatly in that package; I suspect that Bush acted due to pressure from within his own party's right wing not so much from his own desires. He could have just issued and executive order to replace the feeding tube and it would have been just as constitutional as an ex post facto law passed by the legeslature,,, Instead he passed the buck (wisely I think) to the fairly left leaning legeslature on the assumption that they would not do anything about it. Opps, they called his bluff and dumped this mess back on him. So while I think a robust disscussion is needed on the right to die, this case has too many side issues to ever get it pidgeon holed into a black and white question. I suspect that every politician in Flordia would have loved to had this one come down anywhere else....

Looky! Put a title on yer post!

Man, I'm sooooooo sorry for not tending bloggy over the summer. I was doped up on morphine for most of it, so maybe it's better I didn't tinker with it. I had my laptop with me in the hospital, but mostly what I used it for was to watch Zoolander over and over and over. That Hansel is so hot right now.

So, a few new things.

Comments are back! yea! Use 'em!

When you post, you will notice new fields for TITLES and URLs. So, you can (duh) title your post and add a link to website, if you need to, like this...

Geez Brook.... I don't think Jeb ordered Terri be kept alive at any cost. As far as I can tell, all he wanted was the feeding tube be put back in. I don't have a problem with the right to die with dignity, but dehydration and starvation ain't how anyone ought to die.

apropos to nothing... i've been thinking about this all day and i'm so confused...

Jeb Bush, acting as governor-slash-pro-life czar of the state of Florida, has ordered that a brain dead woman be kept alive against her wishes and the wishes of her husband. Neither she nor her immediate family can determine if she lives or dies -- the governor literally has the last say. This has to be a marketing campaign. A publicity stunt aimed at Florida's senior population.

"Live forever in Florida!"

"Come to Florida, where no one ever dies! Not even little kitties."

"Florida -- if you ain't living, you're under arrest."

I'm all for eternal life, but I thought the whole point of being a god-fearing Christian was to be able to face death with some dignity, secure in the knowledge Pete would find your name on the guest list.

So why should Jeb care? Oh sure, it's sad that there's a brain dead woman -- pump some saline solution into her and see if that helps. What the fuck. She is brain dead and the game plan is to give her some food by IV. That's not a plan. That's like when your car breaks down and you open the hood. You don't know shit about cars, but you open the hood. It's the least you can do and it prolongs the inevitable of actually walking somewhere to get help. If they want her re-animated so bad, why didn't Jeb order The Paddles... uh CLEAR! And if that doesn't work they should try that stuff that Vince Vega gave Mia Wallace when she shorted all that heroin. That worked.

If hospital food by IV were going to wake her up, it would have happened already.

I once knew a jeff who grabbed me in the crotch and said, "Hmm..."

Jeff Campbell? Hmm... doesn't he race for NASCAR?

Thanks Roland...
Damn, that's fucking beautiful.
/wipes tears

Standin' in a field
Chewin' on a cud
Eatin' lotsa grass
Life sure is a dud

Hindus in the street
Look at all the meat
It can't be had
Might be Granddad

Leather for our wallets
Hamburgers to eat
Tails make good whips
To beat you in the street

Can't ya understand
What cows really mean
Why if it weren't fer cattle
No more Dairy Queens

You can never tell
When a cow passes
'Cause they're masters of disguise
Behind those dark sunglasses

We just don't realize
We just don't see
If not for bovine intervention
McDonald's wouldn't be

I think I'm goin' crazy
Cows are everywhere
Hidin' in the freezer
And underneath the stairs

When we want milk
We just squeeze their tits
We chop 'em up for steaks
Now ain't that the pits?

So when yer down and out
Feelin' lonely and afraid
just think about those friendly
Cows On Parade

I'm sure there are more lyrics, but these are all I can remember at the moment
As I recall Bill,Rick,Bill's bro John, and myself wrote most of the lyrics in my folks basement around '80-'81; and Jeff and I added some stuff later. Dunno if Ben wrote any lyrics or not, but he did come up with the guitar line. And BBBruce threw in the "bovine intervention" line.

You should post those lyrics, Bill...

Ya know, in addition to Roland, we have Jeff and Ben Blevins (of Lighting Charlie) to thank for the lyrics to "Cows on Parade", just thought I'd mention that...

yep his dad's name is Raymond, and his mom is Peggy, with Matthew the little brother and Diana the little sis (and Rhonda the Welsh Corgi); they might all be staying with Jeff's grandmother (dunno her name)

and Randall and Matt were both working for Piney Flat Bicycles some years back, but I haven't seen them in a while

Just when you thought it was safe to blog........ Im back. Yes, Jeff's father's name was Raymond

Hey I know this one,,, Randall is living in the Tri-Cities, should be in the phone book, he works as a medical sales rep., selling I believe prosthetic devices,,,, I may be wrong on that. Also another clue in the "Find Jeff Campbell" saga,, I think his fathers name was Raymond, am I right on that Roland?

Well, it's narrowed down to Chattanooga...thanks Roland.
I'll throw out a couple of other names from the old days. Whatever happened to Matt and Randall Jones? And what about Pauli Allison? I haven't talked to Pauli since she was at Anderson College, but I know that she had married a man named David, moved to the Carolinas, and had a baby. That was the late 80's and I've heard nothing since.

hey Bill and Nicky

to answer all the questions/ confirm all the answers; Jeff Campbell is working as a long-haul trucker making most runs all the way to California. He lives in Chattanooga with his folks (this is from Alan Prince). Ruthanne and Sheree are still living in the area, while Anne is living in Portland. When my class had it's 20th reunion (I didn't go, of course) she and Alan stopped by and we hung out and had a great time. Anne still looks pretty much like she did 20 years ago (Prince and I do not, however)

I ran into Sheri (pronounced Leonard Skinerd,,, oops, I mean Share-ree) about 2 years ago in J.C., she was married and working at Shoneys at the time, but I have not seen her since, I imagine she is still around North JC. Their other friend Ruth still lives on the family farm with her hubby and a couple of kids, she is teaching in Sullivan Co. and would probably know the whereabouts of both Sheri and Anne....

Damn...a truck driver...I'll just bet he's got some great stories to tell!
I've wondered about Anne through the years. And Cheree' too. Remember Cheree'? I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong.
Thanks for the quick answer to my inquiry, Bill.

The last I heard of Jeff, he was a long haul trucker. Really,,, no shit! Jeff has always been one of my favorite people and a forgotten hero in the early JC scene. Little known fact; he was one of 4 bass players that Final Curtain had in its history, but it should be noted that when Bruce first suggested starting a band, it was Jeff that volunteered before anyone else that night at QB's. Mind you starting a punk band in JC during 1984 was a risky enough proposition, and at one of our shows we had a black guy demand that we play Lynrd Skynrd,,,, strange and violent night, but I digress,,,, anyway, I heard that Jeff was a trucker from a client as he was being sent to jail for raping his best friend's wife, so that info might be suspect.

One other Final Curtain Fun Fact,,, at one time, the majority of our members had dated Anne Canter... including Jeff!

Jeff left the area in 1985 or so and moved with his family to California, but in the late 80's and early 90's I spoke to him via phone and he was in Chattanoga. After that, I lost touch with him... super super super nice guy, and probably the greatest intellect ever to drive an 18 wheeler!

So if you are out there Jeff and reading this, write me at bill37663@hotmail..... and Nicky if you want to know about who has six toes, you better write me there too. It's kind of a long story..........

Also Jeff, if you are reading this, how egotistical does a person have to be to do a name search on themselves???

Oh, please tell me about the many-toed band!
Now there's a request you don't hear everyday...and I'll bet I'm the only person on the blog who doesn't know who you are talking about...

I went to the same high school as you, Bill. I was a freshman when you were a senior. You would probably not remember, as I didn't really stand out all that much. I do remember discussing music with you a time or two. Ah, a fond memory...
And on another note, does anybody know whatever became of Mr. Jeff Campbell?

Or perhaps Roland, we could use the blog to publish the Final Curtain Fun Facts List; Remember? About how we all had an uncle named Steve, and how unlike another JC band none of us had more than 5 toes on either foot?

True, in fact as I recall that was once a very entertaining hobby of ours! Just a bunch of lunatic fringe moderates, hey, send me your new email address soon, hope school is going well for ya!

perhaps we can just use this as a message board since everyone seems to have abandoned it, except Nicky,,, who is Nicky by the way? Seems like a nice sort!

hey Bill

JUMPIN JESUS ON A POGOSTICK
all three of those exceptional titles you mentioned are available on DVD.

sure is quiet around here
d'you think we ran off both the hippies and the fox news watchers?

we've done it before

Any extras on that DVD Roland? lost footage? bloopers? Damn I have not thought about that movie in years... when I worked for probation and parole myself and a coconspirator once had a showing of it during lunch in the training room using the VCR the state had gotten us to watch training videos (they ran out of money though and never bought any training videos, to the best of my knowledge Redneck Zombies was the only movie ever watched on it!) By the way, are "Surf Nazis Must Die", "Sorority Babes in Slimeball Bowlarama" or "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" out on DVD yet?

Thanks Bill.

Just wanted to let everyone know that "Redneck Zombies" is now available on DVD.

Well Roland, I was hopeing to read more Haiku, but apparently the poetry contest is at an end..., once again you have added to your already impressive resume...."Warrior, Kung Fu Librarian, Porn Visionary," and now, "Poet." Truly you are a man for all seasons!

A carton of Kools
Buys Limbaughs ass in prison
Rove to follow him??

Poor pitiful Rush
I hope that Donovan will
soon make him his bitch

A Haiku

Much oxycontin
Fat-assed Florida Fuckhead
BWAHAAHAAHAAHAA!

-thank you

poetry contest, anyone?

I thought that might be good for a laugh......

"Even though I'm a tranquil guy now at this stage of my life, I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors."
-- George Herbert Walker Bush, 1999

Ah, Bill has broken the silence...
Here's a lovely e-mail joke that I recently received:


Three dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.

The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"

The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser." "I piss on everything - the sofa, the cat, the kids." "But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Lethal injection" came the reply from the sad Boxer.

The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Lab says, "I'm a digger." "I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees." "I dig just for the hell of it." "When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets." "But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the Doberman inquired.

"Lethal injection" came the reply from the sad Labrador.

The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks why he's at the vet's office.

"I'm a humper," the Doberman says. "I'll hump anything." "I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever." "I want to hump everything I see."

Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself.

I hopped on her back and started humping away, taking her from Behind like crazy."

The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and say, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"

"No, no," the Doberman says, "I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Rather tasteless, isn't it?

So........... Heard any good jokes lately?