(from DU, "derby378" -- brook)
We, the People of the United States, in an attempt to help keep our nation free and safe, restore some semblance of justice, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of honest-to-God liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby serve notice on the spoiled-rotten, whiny, psychopathic, self-delusional, and exploitative neo-conservatives who are working so feverishly to send our beloved Nation hurtling into oblivion and demanding that we thank them for the privilege.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of neo-conservatives and FReepers are so confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of NON-Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to rob any human being in this Nation of their opportunity to seek an honest and satisfying life, regardless of their race, gender, religion (or lack thereof), creed, philosophy, ethnicity, sexual orientation, political affiliation, disability, education, credit score, favorite sports franchise, or fashion sense. If we were to let you neo-cons run things from the get-go, Abraham Lincoln would never have become President. And notice how I said "human being" instead of "person." This is to head off all those corporations that convinced the Supreme Court to treat them as "persons in law" and are using their expanded legal status to defraud the average American. Halliburton, Monsanto, Roche, Enron, and 80% of all credit card companies, I'm talking to you here...
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone, not just you! Democrats have the ability to offend each other at least six times every day, and they still hold together as a viable political entity. What's your excuse?
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to prevent those who have been hurt by another person's negligence from seeking reparations from those responsible for their harm. If a young child's intestines are sucked out in a kiddie pool by a dangerous drainage system, and the guy who installed it knew it was dangerous but didn't bother to install any safety features to protect kids, that guy should not expect the government to protect his ill-gotten wealth from the family of the poor kid. Instead, he'd better file for bankruptcy. Oh, wait a minute - thanks to you, he CAN'T! He'll have to pay off the family's medical bills and compensate them for pain and suffering if he can't reach an agreeable settlement. So much for his summer villa in St. Barts.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to promote "family values" when you can't even define the term. All you have are empty slogans that promote the only ideal family unit as a husband and wife, both white, with 2.2 kids and a membership at the local country club. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and if you have read Steinbeck in school instead of playing hooky, you just might have learned that.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to deny our children a decent public education. This means that every child learns how to read, write, add, subtract, multiply, divide, speak intelligently, create a basic fire extinguisher that uses carbon dioxide, have a basic understanding of our Constitution and its amendments, explain why fossil evidence strongly suggests that Africa and South America were once connected, develop a healthy and informed understanding of human sexuality, and appreciate their civic duties to such an extent that they prevent you neo-fascists from ever seizing political power again.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to deny the people clean air, clean drinking water, nourishing food, and effective medicine - all of it free from pollution and contamination. This means no "pollution credits," no acid rain, no contaminated soil, no fish tained with industrial mercury, no milk laced with rBGH and antibiotics, no meat that can give the consumer "mad cow disease," and no medications that have been diluted or adulterated in any way. And that's just for starters.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to act like a dickweed when it comes to your right to keep and bear arms. A wife-beater does not have the right to chase down his victimized spouse with a knife or revolver in his hand to "shut the bitch up." Owners of .50 caliber rifles do not have the right to use Mt. Rushmore, the Grand Canyon, or endangered species in the Florida Everglades as target practice. And if you've got kids, they have no business being anywhere near a firearm unless you or your spouse are personally teaching them how to shoot. We have enough Columbines and Jonesboros to worry about without your carelessness adding to the number.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. We don't care who your Daddy is. We don't care if you have friends in government. If your resume consists solely of judging fancy horses, that doesn't mean you have the right to coordinate disaster relief as, for example, the head of FEMA. If you want a job, you've got to prove that you're capable of handling it. Sure, we can take risks and give you new responsibilities that test your limitations - that can sometimes turn good workers into excellent workers. But if you want that FEMA job, start small - find work as a paramedic, a firefighter, or something that will get your feet wet. When lives and economies are at stake, incompetence is not an option.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to prevent Americans from speaking in any language other than English. May I remind you that the people who built this nation spoke not only English, but also Cherokee, Comanche, Navajo, Hopi, French, Spanish, German, Irish and Scottish Gaelic, Italian, Polish, Nigerian, Senegalese, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Arabic, and Farsi? This great Nation is still a work in progress, so expect the list to get longer over time.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to privatize every damn thing on the planet. Our air, water, wildlife, trees, mountains, rivers, and genetic code are something that neither man nor corporation can ever own. Same goes for Social Security, our National Parks, and our brave men and women in the Armed Forces. Deal with it.
And finally...
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to deny the people of this Nation honest, free, open, and fair elections. If you make our voting system anything less than transparent, then you are an enemy of the people. We will no longer tolerate ballot box stuffing, rigged or faulty electronic voting machines, corrupt poll officials, or anything that denies Americans the ability to send whom THEY want to public office, not some smoke-filled backroom conspiracy.
If you can't bring yourself to agree with all eleven of these articles, you're free to leave. Good luck setting up your corporate dream state, where everything gleams with sterile serenity and the trains run on time or the conductors get shot. We've seen what happens in the past with such false Utopias, and America is too great to head down that same path to its own destruction.
